Our Perfect "Home From the Hospital" Story

Do you ever script your life in your head, or am I the only one who does that? I hope not because I do it a lot. You'd think after all the times it hasn't happened that I would stop doing this kind of stuff, but ... not so.

As I was laying in THE MOST UNCOMFORTABLE HOSPITAL BED there is, I was scripting what it was going to be like when we left the hospital for my little family. It was going to be perfect.

We'd wake up refreshed and not at all sore or tired and the nurses would say how amazing I looked for having a baby just a few hours ago. I'd just smile knowing that they weren't just being nice, that I did look amazing. And, miraculously during the night, Tyler had figured out how to nurse with no problem. So when the pediatrician got to the hospital at 9 am, he could do nothing but sing the praises of my smart baby boy, and release him from the hospital without further ado. (If you've ever seen The Christmas Story with Ralphy, this part was kind of like when his teacher gave him an A+++ for his essay on the Red Rider Bebe Gun.)

Being that we are amazing first time parents and nothing is too much for us, we'd easily get Tyler in his new super cute outfit to take him home in, and he would LOVE it, not a peep. Except to maybe say, "Thank you Mom and Dad for picking me such a super cute going home outfit! I will not pee nor will I poop in this!" Because, you know, he does talk. He's an overachiever that way.

Then when it came time to put him in his car seat, that would also easily be done because, seriously, it's just a car seat, and we would skip out of the hospital, laughing in our hands about the people who were still stuck in the hospital while me and my perfect family were going home.

When we arrived home, the house would be spotless, as it always is, of course, and Daisy would greet us at the door with a happy meow, immediately love Tyler and we would all skip off into the sunset, together.

I'm not sure why there's so much skipping in my scripts, but apparently that means you are happy.

Doesn't that sound like a wonderful "home from the hospital" story? It sure does. Is that our story. It sure is not! Not even close. How hard would it have been to do it this way? I mean, I'd already scripted it in my head.

Here's what really happened.

Brent and I groan and grunt as we get up off of the, for me, hospital bed, and for him, pull down couch that you're suppose to get some good rest in. Neither of us had really slept because, well, we have a newborn who would squeak and whale sometimes. Not to mention the nurses coming in every hour or so. Or the woman in the room next to us who SCREAMED through every contraction. I mean, they hurt, but do you really have to scream? People are trying to sleep! When her baby was born, it was a screamer too so I guess it's inherited.

Luckily, one part of my scripting came true. Tyler did figure out nursing that night. You thought I was going to say that the part that came true was the nurses saying how amazing I looked, didn't you? You'd be crazy if that's what you thought. I barely look like me now.

The pediatrician did think he's a rock star baby, but...here's the problem. He was suppose to be there by about 8 am to release us, but there was an accident in Gorst and he couldn't get there in time. So, when was he able to get there? After 6:30 pm. PM people. We had to stay and wait and wait and wait and wait! Then, 6:30 came and went. Then 7 came and went, then 8 came and went, then 9 pm came and he comes bursting into the room amid many apologies. He is a nice guy, but I was ready to throttle him by then!

After the exam, we put Tyler's going home outfit on. I mean, I've dressed babies before. Admittedly not this tiny of babies. And it showed. This is the best picture we could come up with.

Needless to say, he was not a fan. But he does look super cute. Sadly, he didn't say anything about it. Kids these days!

Being that he was already pretty mad about getting dressed, the car seat was not the best experience either. And we are not amazing first time parents that can do anything right the first time. Tyler screamed. And I mean SCREAMED the entire way out of the hospital. People were coming to the doors of their hospital rooms to see who was pulling the fingernails off their newborn child. It was awesome. I just smiled and waved and pretended that this was my perfect going home story.

Luckily, Tyler LOVES the car so once we started going, he fell right to sleep - hope this keeps up - but then we got home. It wasn't as messy as it could have been. I had just cleaned the bathrooms after all. I always think a house feels cleaner with clean toilets. Anyway, enough about that. Daisy, ahhh Daisy. Well, first of all, we had left her for 3 whole days so she had to tell us all about it, very loudly. She never meows normally, but she was certainly meowing at us!

Then Tyler squeaked and Daisy freaked out. Her tail got all big and her ears went every which way. It was like she said, "What in the HECK is that thing?" Luckily, she doesn't talk though. That would just be weird. So between Daisy and Tyler, we didn't get much sleep that night.

But you know what? It was the perfect home from the hospital story because we got to bring Tyler home. He's apart of our family for eternity and I'm so thankful for that.

How's that for a perfect ending?